In addition to and as part of my 19 for 2019, I’ve decided to tackle a Happiness Project. I first read Gretchen Rubin’s book in 2014 and became enamored of the idea. However, my desire to do things perfectly kept getting in the way. I felt like I needed to have lists and charts and plans. While all of those things are helpful, sometimes it’s better to just get started.
And so, with only a vague notion of what I’m going to do, I decided that 2019 is the year of my Happiness Project. I’m going to have the same monthly focuses Gretchen had in her book, but will modify the individual tasks to fit what’s needed in my life.
February: Remember Love
Gretchen’s tasks in February were:
- Quit nagging
- Don’t expect praise or appreciation
- Fight right
- No dumping
- Give proofs of love
These are noble ideas, but not all of them apply to life with my husband, T. We don’t always agree, but we rarely fight with one another. I also don’t think either one of us dumps on the other with any regularity or nags too often.
#1 Sit together
This has the potential to be a big one for us. My husband’s love language is physical touch. It’s mine too. And yet, when we sit on the couch at night watching The Office and catching up, we usually choose opposite ends of the couch. My rationale for this is pretty lame: we’re often having a snack or a drink, and we both want to be near an end table to set our items down.
I mean… seeing that in print makes me smack my own forehead. It’s just silly.
This month I will prioritize connection with T over the convenience of sitting my beer on a coaster. And doing so will give us LITERALLY HOURS of better connection.
#2 Give proofs of love
I love my husband. I have for close to 15 years. And yet, it’s so easy to fall into a rut where we behave more like roommates than partners. During the week it’s especially common. He’s out the door early for work before I’m up with the kids. He gets home early to spend time with them while I’m still at the office. When I get home, it’s dinnertime, bath time and bedtime, or one of us is running our daughter to dance class. By the time Friday night rolls around, I’m looking at him (at the other end of the couch!) wondering “who is that guy I keep passing in the hallways here?”
This month, I want to make more of an effort to appreciate T during those crazy weeks. He’s a wonderful partner and he should know I feel that way, even in the midst of chaos. For starters, I’m going to start kissing him hello and goodbye when we come and go. We already do this probably 50% of the time but there’s no good reason it shouldn’t be closer to 100%.
#3 Plan our remaining date nights
One of my 19 for 2019 is to make sure we have at least one date night per month. I’ve already planned these through April, but I want to make sure they don’t fall off mid-year. Our January date was fantastic; it helped me remember all the things that made me fall in love with T in the first place. We need to keep that going!